Anger is a well accepted & normal human emotion. We all have opinions & interests that may or may not match with the other person. When things do not work as per our expectations, anger is the first emotion that takes over your mind. Getting angry is not a problem, but losing your sense while being angry can be dangerous thing. When you express anger without being focused on the facts, or without giving a second thought o the situation, you end up being frustrated & reacting in a defensive way.
Your behavior in anger impacts your personal & professional life adversely if you do not have control on your anger. You might not have any idea of resultant drawn because of you being furious.
In order to understand the problem & to improvise on how you can be angry having all your senses while putting your opinion forward, let’s talk about some key factors that tend you to be aggressive.
There are three main causes that directly or indirectly make you angry. Situations vary, but at the back of any situation, you will find any of these reasons that is the root cause of your anger to that particular instance.
Yea! You read it right. You are possibly afraid when you are angry. It can be a social fear, a fear of embarrassment, a fear of failure or its about fear of losing anything that you don’t afford to lose at all. All these fears tend you to be angry. You take help of another emotion (Anger) to overcome first emotion (Fear).
If not fear, then frustration can be another root of anger. Frustration comes when you want the things to be in your favour or as you like them to be, however they are not. When you start putting efforts to make a change and you cannot, you will be frustrated. This frustration makes you feel powerless, as you have no control on something that you don’t appreciate. Now at this instance, the frustration gets converted into anger.
If someone hurts you mentally or physically, that pain and discomfort makes you angry. Most of the time, you are betrayed by your closed ones and you can’t show your acceptance towards their betrayal simply because you never expected it from them. This makes you lose control on your emotions & you end up being angry.
Ultimately, almost every challenging or non pleasing situation makes us angry. Whether, you are not getting your opinions matched with your colleagues or your family doesn’t want you to take some decisions that you think will be the best for you. Anything that is unpleasant to your mind & soul will make you angry. This is natural & sometimes it is good too. However, excess of anger can harm you emotionally & mentally. It destroys the peace of mind and makes you upset all the time. All in all, anger controls you and your peace of mind if you do not control anger. If you want to rule your own life, then don’t let your anger rule your soul & mind. Once you lose the battle with your anger, here is on what extent it may harm you:
- Anger challenges your health.
- It is a threat to your self esteem when you have no control on anger.
- Anger will damage your relationships, personal and professional. Some damages may never be undone.
- It affects your career if you have aggressive attitude towards your superiors’ and your team members.
- People like not get involved with you much, as they are not in a mood to deal with your anger at any point of time.
Conquer it, before it conquers you: Be angry when necessary but have a control on this emotion as much as you can. Here are some tips that can help you to control your anger and feel calmer than ever. If you really want to live a life of peace, happiness & dignity; you must give a try to these tips :
Keep a check on your words:
Do not speak without giving a thought to your words. You might say something n anger that you will regret later. Sometimes, it’s late for regret too, so be careful & choose your words wisely. This way, you will save your relationship with the person & it will give you some time to recollect all your point that you want to put forward.
Be calm – Now you can express anger:
Take a breath and be calm. You will get your thoughts more clear when you it calmly and think about the situation. Now, if you express your anger that will no more be anger but a discussion with the other person. This way you will be able to express your view more patiently & with more clarity. See! You just avoided an aggressive conversation this way.
A time out can be helpful:
A timeout will you some “Me Time” that will help you understand the things better. You might find a way to deal with the situations that make you angry in a positive way. A few moments with yourself will relax you to the core and you will find that you can solve the problems without being angry.
There are alternatives to anger:
Is the anger try to the solutions of problem? Can’t we have a better way to deal with the issues without being aggressive?
Look for the answers of these questions and you will get to know that anger is just not necessary and it lands you nowhere. Instead of being mad at what you don’t like , try to find out if you have nay logical reasons for your dislike towards the person or situation. If no, then try to be adaptive. If yes, then you can share your reason s& concerns calmly.
Stick with ‘I’ statements
Instead of pointing fingers on others, be focused on yourself while expressing your disappointment. Blaming will create more tension and the situation will be more problematic. Let people know that this is the reasons why you are upset instead of blaming them for your disappointment.
Anger is natural but don’t make it so usual that it becomes a part of your personality. Win over your anger and you will win millions of heart and a lifetime happiness for yourself and for the people connected to you !!